WASHINGTON, DC – The US government is up in arms after discovering Apple’s impressive network of subsidiaries set up too low their corporate tax burden. After working really, really hard on designing the current tax system, putting extensive time and energy into making seemingly effective laws, lawmakers report that they, “feel cheated out of their hard earn tax dollars”.
“We feel used”, said one I.R.S employee who prefers to remain anonymous. “After working so hard on designing a system that we thought would work, big players in the free market didn’t even bother giving us our full and fair share – which is 35% of their profits”.
Despite extensive investigation it seems that Apple has in fact not committed any crimes, but simply found loopholes in the current system and acted for their competitive interest. However, the US government is refusing to go down without a lawsuit. In preparation for a hearing before a congressional subcommittee, senators are strategizing to accuse Apple of exploiting tax loopholes by following the laws of the current tax system.
“We spend all this time trying to design a solid tax system and then these big companies just mess up all our hard work”, commented Michigan Democrat Carl Levin. “Now we are going to have to spend more time and money to try to write more strict laws, but hell, they will probably find another way around us – this is totally not fair.”
In Other News:
– Whitehouse Suggests Ending Free-Market System to More Easily Regulate Taxes
– Apple Feels Cheated Out of Their Hard Earned Dollars
– Majority of American People Wonder ‘Who Does Apple Thinks They Are?’ While Reading Tax Avoidance News on MacBook Pros