Ash Sapling Believes to Have Grown Up a lot During the Past Year

mountain-ash-saplingMILWUAKEE, WI – After a few years of steady, slow growth, sources have confirmed that young tree saplings across the country believe that they have rapidly matured over the past year, in light of national tragedies.  With the belief that their bark has thickened-up after living through the many unfortunate events, no longer do these saplings view themselves as the over protected, free spirited, and easily shaken young trees that they still are.  “Before this past year I had only ever seen bombs, deadly storms, and shootings on CNN World News and movies”, commented one Ash Tree Sapling from a yard in a Milwaukee suburb. “But after seeing the same things happening within 1000 mile radius of me, like the Boston bombing, Oklahoma’s tornado victims, and all the school shootings, I was like, holy mackerel!“ Later saying, “I guess my leaves just aren’t as green as they use to be”.  Claiming that his family had came over to the US many years ago in a birds intestine, this Ash Sapling finds pride in having his roots in our land and says that he will stand tall and strong in the face of further adversary.

In Other News:

–       Cucumber In Tears While Recounting Days Kidnapped as a Sex Toy

–       Dog Embarrassed by His High Pitch Bark After Being Neutered

–       Nations Idiots Prepare for a Tropical Storm to Projected to Hit Panama

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