VP Biden Takes Responsibility for Surveying All of Verizon’s Phone Sex Data

joe-biden-2-thumbs-upWASHINGTON, DC – Following this mornings news that the US Government has been secretly collecting data on millions of Verizon users, Americans nation wide have expressed concerns that the government may not be properly handling the countless phone sex recordings and dirty text messages that they have obtained.  Arguing that, “[they] don’t just want any random surveillance officer reviewing the nudie pics, lewd text messages, and orgasmic audio recording that Americans send everyday”, prominent rights activists are demanding government assurance that this sensitive information will be properly handled.  Therefore, Vice President Joe Biden declared this morning that he will be taking the responsibility of screening the inappropriate data by himself in a private room beneath the white house.  “The administration understands our citizen’s concerns.  But at the same time we believe it’s crucial to our national security that this data be reviewed”, said Biden while walking to his new windowless office.  “That’s why it’s probably best if I just take a look at all this stuff to make sure there is nothing suspicious.”  At press time sources reported a large shipment of tissues and hand lotion being delivered to the white house.

In Other News:

– Verizon Reported to Be #1 Source for Finding a New Drug Dealer

– Next Gun Control Debate Scheduled to Be Held at 3:30am in Fenky, Arkansas

– 1,298,897,288,100,288 Things They Don’t Tell You About Government

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s