WASHINGTON, DC – In a press release earlier today the Whitehouse shared some pretty top secret stuff with the nation through the national news networks. Said to be classified intelligence, the brief covered the US government’s highly protected plans regarding how they aim to fight the war on terror, rebuild the economy, as well as work with new tensions in foreign relations. American citizens nationwide reportedly feel a deeper level of confidence between them and their government after being briefed on the safeguarded information regarding their national security and future. “It just goes to show you that they don’t think we can’t handle or understand the hard truths”, said one Kansas City resident Carl O’hare. The news brief was prompted after some classified files were leaked to the press regarding stuff that the Whitehouse didn’t want its citizens to know about. However, after an uproar from the populace, government officials decided that they would “come clean on the documents that had been leaked”. Thus, after this morning’s press release, Americans nation wide felt thoroughly pacified after being assured that the Whitehouse had been acting in their best interest the whole time and that they had nothing to worry about. Afterwards, sources report, everyone was able to comfortably sit back on their couches to watch The Bachelorette.
In Other News:
– 10 Things You NEED to Know About Lindsay Lohan Instead of the Bill of Rights
– Man Looking for an Honest Profession Becomes a Political Comedian
– Seal Team Six in Pursuit of Carmen Sandiego