NEWS REPORT: Timothy Blake Edwards – LOCAL – 27 June, 2013
DAVIS,CA – Shortly after spending a half hour in the local Save Mart, supermarket patron Agnes Czechovich reportedly made a bold fucking move taking her seventeen items to the “15 Items or Less” checkout lane. The unsuspecting 57-year old coupon-clipper made her way from the dairy section to the front of the store to check-out, but after taking one look at the regular lines decided to try her luck in the express lane.
“All of the lines were a half-mile long! There was no way I was going to wait for God knows how long to check out. And I was only two items over; it didn’t seem like that big of a deal,” said the rubenesque woman.
22-year old cashier and decade long Proactive recipient, Jeffrey Meeks was having none of it, and proudly stood his ground. “I don’t know who she thinks she is barging into the express line, over the allowable capacity, like it’s just another run-of-the-mill transaction,” said the Skyrim fiend, Monster Energy Drink in hand. “The sign is posted there for a reason.”
Circumstances were made no better when Czechovich dumped over 30 discount coupons on the counter, attempting to double, and occasionally even triple up on each item. An argument between the two broke out for almost ten minutes until another shopper summoned management after hearing Czechovich call Meeks a “thumb-sucking, seborrhea-ridden momma’s boy”. The store supervisor promptly rang up Ms. Czechovich’s items, all the while chastising the little shit for his pontifical revulsion. Meeks turned in his two-week notice shortly thereafter, citing irreconcilable differences as the reason for his departure.
Reblogged this on The Life of T. Blake Edwards and commented:
My first satirical piece