BREAKING: Bobcats Draft Air Bud with Fourth Overall Pick

imagesIn a move that shocked the basketball world, the Charlotte Bobcats’ front office selected combo-forward Air Bud from the state of Washington with the fourth overall pick in the 2013 NBA Draft. The troubled franchise, which has only been to the playoffs once in its 9-year history, has become a running joke throughout the league and has desperately sought to improve its line-up, fan base, and public image in recent years. They believe this intrepid pick is definitely a step forward for the future of the team.

“He’s not the best defender we’ve ever seen,” said Rod Higgins, President of Basketball Operations, “but man, can he score the basketball! He’s a huge hit with fans nationwide and the marketing opportunities he’ll provide to the franchise made him the only realistic option in our minds. We think he’s a special talent.”

At a height of twenty-seven inches, Air Bud will be one of the more diminutive players on the Bobcats roster. He does, however, boast a nine inch nose-span that the Bobcats will aim to utilize around the perimeter to break into passing lanes. His quick acceleration and change of direction abilities will also serve as assets to the struggling Bobcats.

“When I watch Buddy on film, I can’t help but think of the good ole days,” said Bobcats Chairman, NBA Legend, and chronic gambler Michael Jordan. “He just has a knack for slipping into the paint almost untouched and putting the ball in the hole. It’s like other guys can’t even see him out there.”

Buddy will challenge for a starting spot from day one, league insiders say, much to the chagrin of current starter Gerald Henderson, Jr. “I don’t get it, man…” mustered the 6’5″ former Blue Devil, “he’s a dog; does no one else see that? I can’t help but feel like this is all some sick joke.”

Sources say the Bobcats were also considering selecting Calvin Cambridge, Peter Pan, and Shamu; all of whom were still available when this article was published.

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