BOSTON, MA – After conducting research in which the opportunity cost of being social in the city of Boston was weighed against the cost of simply hiring private escorts once a week, Harvard economics major Bradford Worthington concluded that it is in-fact much wiser to invest in hookers over ones social life.  “Look, the only reason I ever go out is because I want to get laid – and it’s always a gamble whether or not I can seal the deal”, said Bradford while doing homework on a Friday night.  “Plus, when I do go out I don’t only pay for one girl, but also all of the girl’s friends – how is that fair?!”  In his study, Worthington weighed out the pro’s and con’s of spending countless hours and dollars every week in hopes of getting laid – then compared them to the option of setting aside the time for a 2 minute phone call and the best ride of your life, guaranteed.  “I’d easily spend $200 hundred a weekend wasting time on girls that made no promises.  So why not $150 for a guarantee?”  When questioned whether or not he felt bad about the type of girls he was now sleeping with, he confidently responded “not at all!”  The reason being that before he began hiring escorts he spent the majority of his time pursuing the sluttiest girls he could find anyways.

In Other News:

– Student Saves Up for Spring Break by Friends Meals to Parents Card for Cash

– Professor Explains to Student Why Religion is Like A Penis

– Cocktail Opportunity Cost Method Deters Student from Hiring Tutor