CAMBRIDGE, MA – In a recent study conducted by MIT physics major Johnathan Leobwitz, data was collected that suggests that most mothers in our society are neither bound nor aware of time and space. Inspired to explore the subject after being totally dumbfounded by a series of comments said by his own mother at dinner just months earlier, Leobwitz believes that his research may better help sons and daughters alike gain a much better understanding of why their mothers say such illogical crap from time-to-time.
“Earlier this summer I took a week long trip with my friends in Miami and returned home just in time for a Sunday family dinner. Once I walked in the door though, my Mom ran over to give me a hug and screamed “it feels like you were gone for a lifetime!””, Leobwitz told reporters. “Literally, within 5 minutes of her saying my week away felt like a lifetime, she began reminiscing about my baby years and soon said “it seems like it was just yesterday when I was nursing you here in my arms” – I’m 23…and that’s when I knew something had to be off.”
During his research Leobwitz found countless examples of this lack of sensitivity towards reality – such as mothers believing that it just takes a few second to clean your room and take the garbage out, or that their child is the smartest and most handsome kid at school but no one realizes it yet. “Time and time again these clues would pop up, but just recently were we able to pinpoint the key issue.”
After enduring a mind numbing 2 hour car ride to an outlet mall, during which his mother gayly explained how time flies when you’re having fun, he was asked what took him so long upon return from a 4-minute bathroom break. “And then it hit me – she literally has no understanding or awareness of time as we know it.” Thus, now Leobwitz now can easily make sense of such common occurrences like why his mother thinks it only takes her a minute to get ready while he waits in the car for a solid half-hour.
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