PHILADELPHIA, PA – With the American peoples health at heart, pharmaceutical giant Pfitzer has just recently received FDA approval for their new drug Cravex® – a pill which helps prescribed users crave their medication. Said to be solely created for the well being of US citizens, Cravex® is subsidized by the US Government and Pfitzer so that it will be obtainable by as many patients as possible.
“In recent years we had noticed a shift in attitude that showed Americans were looking negatively upon of products – as though there are other and more natural ways to maintaining ones health” reported Pfitzer’s CMO Gerard Levi. “However it is important for us to make sure that patients are taking their medication as prescribed – and as many prescriptions as possible. This is how we came up with Cravex®”
Considered a break through in pharmaceutical engineering, Cravex® works by developing an addiction in users to the chemical powder folyduxnol-CY10 that is present in all of Phitzer’s pharmaceuticals. Thus, after just a few days of use patients not only develop better habits for taking their medications, they greatly look forward to it.
“Our preliminary research showed spectacular results – to the point where human test subjects were almost forcefully demanding that they be given their medication. Even-though Cravex® will be distributed freely for now, we predict that we will be able to start selling it by the end of the year – after people realize how useful it is to maintaining their health.”
In Other News:
– Abusive Father Takes Credit for Giving Son the Advice He Used to Succeed, “Figure it Out Yourself!”
– Google Opens Patent Office that Collects All Web Searches from Inventors Trying to Find-Out If Their Idea has Already Been Made
– Unstable Daughter Plots to Bite Miley Cyrus After Being Told By Mother “You Are What You Eat”